Single and Awesome

Single and Awesome

Did you ask me why I am STILL single? I am so glad you asked.

“It is not normal to be still single.”

“Why are you still single?”

I was hearing this statement and question so much, I decided to start putting away $1.00 every time someone asked me. It turns out putting the cash away was a brilliant idea. I have already paid for a couple of dates with the cash I have collected so far.

I have been asked this question so many times, I don’t recognize my involuntary reactions anymore. I have developed one consistent reaction over the years though.

I stay calm like thunder and lightning.

Ask me this question and I am sure to have several reactions while I stay calm.

I squint my eyes. Maybe I am trying to figure out if you are approaching this question from a problem statement standpoint. Maybe I am trying to figure out if you think there is something wrong with me. Maybe I am trying to figure out if you really care if I am still single.  What I’m really doing is attempting not to blurt out, “Why do you really want to know anyway?!”

I start to fidget or start looking around. I am trying to focus on something else in the room or in the area. I am trying to focus on anything else but you. What I am really trying to do is keep my hands and brain occupied to keep from shaking some sense into you.

Go try this out. Walk up to any married friend and ask them this question. “Why are you still married? What do you think will happen? Will you walk away with everything on you intact? What response do you think you will receive?

Let me help you. Get ready to lose a married friend if you pose this question to him or her.  Get ready to be labelled as certifiable crazy if you pose this question to a married person. Get ready to be labeled as a jealous single person if you pose this question to a married person. Honestly, I can think of numerous occasions where I wanted to pose this question to a married person. Those occasions when a married person tried to message me for a hook up on social media. Those occasions when a married person started aggressively hitting on me. Those occasions when the married person starts telling me about all their marital problems.

If it is unacceptable to ask a married person why they are still married, why is it acceptable to ask a single person why they are still single? Why is it acceptable to view a single person as not normal because they are not married?

The word normal is weird to me anyway. To me, normal comes off like boring and run of the mill. Normal to me is average. It is safe and bland. Normal means nothing good or bad really happens. You are normal because you have managed to achieve an acceptable step and a level of human ability.

I don’t really want to be referred to as normal. Why should I? Normal is used by society as a badge of acceptance.

If you are married, that is your normal. If you are in a complicated situation, that is your normal. If you are single, that is your normal.

Do not think your normal suits everyone. Your normal is for you and you alone. You can enhance your normal, tweak it, adjust it, redirect it, rework it in some cases. Your normal is not better or worse than anybody’s normal.  An individual makes their own choice on whether they like their current normal or not.

My singleness is perfectly crafted for me. Do not ask me why I am still single with the mindset that marriage suits everyone. We all tweak and adjust our normal to enhance ourselves. If I chose a new relationship or marriage as an enhancement, I voluntarily  enter a new level of normal. My normal is what works for me, not what works for you. I could care less if my singleness seems abnormal to you.

To my single brothers and sisters, you are not abnormal. You are all awesome!

You are awesome because you have the breathing room to enhance your normal. You have a fresh set of tools to build new normals if you chose to.

For the first time, you should be able to safely say that you are happy with your normal single life.

Kwadjo Panyin

PS: If your status reads “single,” do share this post on your wall ?


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